You enjoy those muffins

Ever attempted to do something nice for someone but ended up just feeling stupid and foolish? Well today was my day to fall down the "being too nice" slippery slope.

So I was cleaning out my kitchen when I came across a plate that my ex had left here maybe 3 months ago. I was tempted to just toss it to the dumpster, but happened to be on the phone with my mom when I found it. She suggested I bake muffins and give him the muffins on the plate and wish him Happy Veterans Day. (He was in the Marines for 5 years, so that actually makes sense.) That way he gets the plate back with baked goodies on it. Something about good luck and folk lore, etc. Without thinking I took her advice and asked the ex if he had a couple of minutes on Wednesday to meet up with me somehwere. He said today would be better and he'd stop by when he was done with studying.
So the ex shows up while the muffins are still in the oven. (Hey, I can't work that quickly.) We talked for 4 or 5 minutes when he asks me if I want to go to Walmart with him to go grocery shopping. I need to get a couple of things, so I say sure. Just to clarify this was probably the third mistake of the day. (Mistake 1: Agree to make muffins for my ex. Mistake 2: Calling the ex to deliver the goods. Mistake 3: Not handing him the plate of muffins and sending him on his way. Mistake 4: Going with him to Walmart.) Yet I digress, 4 mistakes... things always get worse before they get awkward.
Shopping was great, except the ever painful questions like, "Hey do you want to come over for fondue some night this week?" "So did you go on a date with the guy who rear-ended you. He sounds like kind of a creeper." (As though the ex can really judge.) "How's your workout plan going?" (How does he think it's going? I'm stressed and mindlessly eat when I'm working on homework.)
So I asked him to drop me off back at home, and he responds with, "Want to go to Cocomero with me? My treat." FYI Cocomero is like cocaine to the "ice cream addicted, trying to eat healthy" college student such as myself. Dang that I agreed.
So we eat the most glorious food that humans have ever invented, which in my opinion was a sheer stroke of genius. And I attempt to be quiet to avoid most awkward conversational situations. Horrifically, due to what I can only blame pure sugar ecstasy on, out comes everything that comes to my head. i.e. Diarrhea of the mouth. Work plans, graduate school ideas, how my family is doing, my lifestyle goals, EVERYTHING gets laid out on the table. And I don't even like this guy. But I figure no harm, no foul. I had to get going to meet up with my friend Darius for dinner so I had to go. And that's where the trouble... well ended.
We hug goodbye, but when the "release" part of the hug comes, he kisses me instead! I was too shocked to move. Which means, no, I didn't slap him. Nor did I push him away. Nor did I even yell at him. I just stood there in some sort of sugar coma, unable to react. Finally either due to my mummy-like stance or something, he lets go and looks at me and says, "It was great seeing you. Just call if you want to hang out sometime."
And the loquacious person that I am responds with, "You enjoy those muffins."

Ugh. Gag me.